TRIGGER WARNING: this post discusses domestic violence in frank terms.
This month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month (in addition to breast cancer awareness month) and it is so important to not just know that intimate partner violence happens but to know more about it. I’m sure everyone would agree with me that beating romantic partners is bad but it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s all most people know about domestic violence.
First things first: if you feel afraid in your romantic relationship that is a good indicator that abuse is taking place. Please reach out to this helpline: 214.946.HELP (4357). They are a domestic violence women’s shelter I worked with in Dallas but even if you aren’t in the DFW area they can still help. There is a way out.
Ready for some scary facts about domestic violence?
– 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence
– Women are 75% more likely to be killed when leaving an abusive relationship
– There is no such thing a a “typical” victim
– 4.8 MILLION women are victims each year
– A woman is assaulted every 9 seconds
– Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of violent crime
– 10 million children are exposed to domestic violence each year
– Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury for women aged 15-44
While domestic violence doesn’t just affect women it does disproportionately effect women more than men. This abuse can take on many different forms: physical, emotional, verbal, financial, and spiritual.
“We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.”
— Elie Wiesel
The Power and Abuse Cycle
Intimate partner violence is a cycle. It starts with a build up. Tension builds and the abuser gets more and more angry. Then it’s the explosion. This when the physical/sexual/emotional abuse goes from “normal” to dangerous. (Note: “normal” is in quotes because it is no way is normal. It only seems that way to those in the cycle). Concludes with the aftermath. This when the apologies and gifts happen. This is when the relationship goes back to a honeymoon stage and where it seems as if nothing bad is going to happen again. And then it’s back to the build up… These stages have no time limit, it could take a week to get through one cycle or it could take 6 months to get through a cycle.
Domestic Violence Help
Genesis has great information on how to help a friend you believe is experiencing domestic violence and about red flags you can be on the lookout for. They also have detailed information on how you can be your friend’s first step away from domestic violence.
Intimate partner violence is important to discuss and be aware of; and like most important things it’s difficult to talk about. But starting the conversation and educating yourself on what to look out for or recognize could be what enables one more woman to get out of an abusive situation then it’s worth it. The world needs less silence about things that matter.
One story that is personally near and dear to my heart is this one. It’s a podcast from We Are Here and it’s entitled ‘Meet Melissa.’ It’s a long story but it’s so important to know these stories exist.
Another story that should speak to you is this Ted Talk from Leslie Morgan Steiner on Why Victims Don’t Leave.
