Making friends as an adult is HARD. I’m an introvert so making friends for me is already difficult but add in the fact that adults are exhausted all the time (or is that just me?) and it’s even worse. Here are the steps you can take to keep your friends when you change jobs!
Determine which friends are worth keeping
There might be some people who you talk to everyday but you don’t really give af about. If you’ve never texted them about anything other than work it’s not a friendship. If you’ve never met their spouse/kid/dog then it’s probably not going to last past your notice. Take stock of the relationships you have and the depth of those; then focus on the deep friendships.
Understand you’re going to lose some friends
At my old job there were a lot of people I called friends, even close friends, that I worked with at the office. A few decided that selling their soul to the office was more important than being a good friend or a good person so I didn’t have any contact with them after I left. Apparently, they got a good price for their soul because they didn’t reach out to me either. I was crushed by a few of these losses, I was friends with these people for years and they had supported me and commiserated with me. I still think about some of them but bottom line is you cannot be friends with people who don’t care about you.
There will also be some that you count as friends that you figure out you were only situational friends and your friendship doesn’t flourish when you’re both not in the same office. This is okay.
Make the effort
It’s weird when people change jobs and leave offices. Take the responsibility and make the effort to reach out and keep reaching out. Text them first, call them first, suggest a coffee catch up first. You’re going to be busy with your new job but make the effort and reach out!
Change the conversation topics
You might be used to talking (or complaining) about work a lot but you want to make sure to change the topic. You might still be able to understand when they complain about the office, you’ve been there and still know most of the players but you’ve got a new job and new work headaches. Keep the old job shop talk to a minimum and focus on what else you have in common.
Plan on meeting in person
At some point you want to see each other again right? Plan a weekend trip or a lunch date if you’re in the same city or if you’re back in the same city. See each other when you can, a quick coffee date keeps your friendship alive and kicking! I understand that canceling plans is the legal version of a heroin high (John Mulvaney knows what’s up) but keep these plans because you’ve decided these friendships are worth it.
There were about three friends that I kept from my old job. I thought it was going to be more like six friends that I kept but two of those decided to cut me out and throw me under the bus and one turned into more of a situation friend – which I was not expecting.
Keeping friends when you change jobs might be difficult at first but it’s so worth it!
