I’ve posted on IG about our family’s decision to not post photos of our child on social media. A few colleagues asked me to make it a shareable IG post and then post more information about the reasons behind our decision and the dangers of posting children on social media.
My husband works in network/cyber security and he has always been DEAD SET against sharing our child on the internet and I’m a prosecutor that primarily works with Crimes Against Children. I’ve had further experience with NCMEC (the national center for missing and exploited children) and we’re completely on the same page.
The only images I will be posting on social media of our child(ren) are ones where you cannot see the child’s face. Either by hiding it with a sticker or if it’s an image that does not show their face (it’s hidden from something in the photo or it’s from behind). I use my phone to create a duplicate image and place a sticker over the face, save it, then upload that saved edited photo. It’s longer yes, but it’s an important step because simply using an emoji is not enough. You can see on my IG post a video of how I do this.
When you upload a photo to a site (think FB, IG, TT etc) the medium owns that photo. It doesn’t matter if your profile is set to private, it doesn’t matter if you keep the photos to friends/followers/close friends only, and it sure as hell doesn’t matter if you posted one of those stupid ‘I don’t give IG/FB permission to my photos’ things you see run rampant every 6 months. Bottom line is if the photo is posted/uploaded the platform owns that photo. It is so easy for pictures to be downloaded by anyone even if your settings are private. If their face or body is out there AI can be used to create awful disgusting images of them. I’ve seen it done and it’s scary.
If parents or others are posting children on social media those photos are online then they can be used to train model data for AI purposes. They will be collected and used for these AI models so third party companies can purchase bulk photos from social media companies and your child’s photo can be included in that. Once you post the photo on social media you no longer have control over that image. I also just don’t want people to have a picture of my kid if I don’t give them permission to have it.
Depending on the user agreement (you know those things no one reads but everyone clicks through and says they read it) the platform owns your photos forever or until you delete them. Obviously the forever is concerning but even the ‘until deleted’ is not good because you could upload on Monday, they could sell/use your photo on Tuesday, and you could delete it Wednesday and your photo is out there. They don’t have to claw it back or anything. There are so many more dangers to posting children on social media than you first think about.
It can be used by people to figure out where you or your child is at certain times of the day/week so it’s a big safety concern. They could know their location, name, and something that would make your child trust them. Details like birthdate and place etc can easily be combined to get even more information. (A colleague also recommended freezing your child’s credit the minute they get a social security number – see the end of the post to see more about this). Sometimes it’s as easy as the full name and DOB for someone to get a medical record – how many posts have you seen with full names, DOBs, birth stats, parents’ names, and maybe even the hospitals? Not good. Oh and ultrasound photos contain a bunch of information – black that stuff out.
I’ve examined phone dumps of defendants who have CSAM (child s*x ab*se material, previously known as child p*rn) on their phones and they have screenshots of other kids, fully clothed, that I could never figure out who they are. It freaks me out to know what those images were being used for and I don’t want my child’s image to be used for that.
This isn’t even getting into our belief that each person should be allowed to decide what images of themselves are on the internet. Our child(ren) will learn they are in control of their own bodies. They never have to touch/hug etc anyone, including family, and if anyone ever says not to touch them they must respect that boundary, or stop touching me they stop immediately. They should have the same rights concerning their own image.
I had a few colleagues ask about Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) and if that didn’t cover these concerns. Honestly, no it doesn’t. I prefer the EU’s General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) but even then most of my concerns are the malicious use of images so even if we had the GDPR in the US it wouldn’t really change my concerns. You should also see this article about how your posts about your kids could affect their financial health.
Our family have been told they’re not allowed to post or share any photos of our child. The first one that does gets cut from taking or having pictures period. Ever. We’ve told them this is a hard boundary for us. Apparently I wasn’t nice when I told my side of the family, honestly I don’t care. I directly and firmly told them our boundary and the results of breaking that boundary. I didn’t want there to be any questions or confusion about it. I also selfishly didn’t want to feel any guilt about cutting someone off. My husband told his side very nicely and ‘softly’ but he isn’t going to feel bad about cutting someone off from photos. There are some older family members that get hard copy photos because technology isn’t their thing and there are stickers that go on each photo that says PLEASE DO NOT POST ON SOCIAL MEDIA. Overkill? Maybe. But no one can say they weren’t warned. We’ve given a photo of B in a frame and the sticker is on the back : )
These are obviously our family’s decision and I don’t judge anyone who makes a different decision. I’m sure there are many decision we will make that will be different than other parents.
Questions:
What about posting to just your friends only, the private group?
Unfortunately the platform still owns the image so it doesn’t matter.
Do you think the fact you have a platform makes you more vigilant? I mean do you think it’s a concern for those who use their socials strictly for friends/family?
Yes and no. There’s more of a chance of someone screenshotting for an innocuous purpose just because I have more eyes on the photos. Think: of how cute is this dress she has on or I want to throw a 1 yo birthday party like this, then uploading or sending the screenshot to IG or Pinterest etc. That screenshot could include my child’s face and the person who is saving it to Pinterest might have zero desire to ‘save’ the child’s face but end result is the same. It’s been uploaded to the internet and platforms now own my child’s image. Regardless of follower count the platforms are going to pull the images for AI training etc. And the creeper/p3do people trade pictures of kids by the THOUSANDS so chances are good that anyone’s child can be in there.
I put an emoji over my kids’ face, is that okay?
If you do it right. If you’re posting to IG and using the IG software/app to put an emoji over their face or drawing a white line etc over their eyes/face then no. When you are using the platform to make the edits they still have the original photo. So someone might not be able to take the screenshot I talked about but the platform can still sell the original photo which includes their face. What I do is use my phone to create a duplicate image and place a sticker over his face, save it, then upload that saved edited photo. It’s longer yes but it’s an important step. You can see on my IG post a video of how I do this.
We’re considering the same boundary! Do you plan to use Google photos or another sharing site where users must have the link? I’m struggling to decide if that is safer or just another social media variant.
We have a Google drive and it’s private storage we pay for and our parents have access to that. My husband set that all up and Google does not own those photos and cannot use them. if you’re using a special app or different site look through their user agreement with a fine tooth comb before you start sharing. We only give access to a very limited amount of people.
My child is in daycare and they share photos, would you recommend having them not do that?
I’ve only seen our future daycare’s app but I haven’t really explored it or had my husband examine it. However, I can bet that we won’t be signing the consent for photos. Even if those apps don’t have anything about owning the photos it will be so easy for another parent to screenshot a photo and upload it. You can bet I will be reading the user agreement in full and my husband will be exploring the app before we decide. You might not think a daycare app with photos would be as dangerous as posting children on social media but depending on the rights to the photos it can be.
Freezing credit: I asked the colleague who recommended freezing your child’s credit more about it. She is a cyber security exec at a bank and told me it’s the easiest to steal someone’s credit when they’re underage, which makes total sense. She said you’ll have to unfreeze it when they want to apply for credit but that’s years away. Each credit bureau has instructions how to do this on their website, two are snail mail, and she recommends to do all three. She also recommended to never give out your child’s social to schools and dr offices – depending on where you live those places do not need them.
